this is the post of how i lost the same friend twice.once to lost of contact and the second time to some stupid things said.

I realized that I am quite a F-UP person.


seems like i always like to give out comments that might seem helpful to me but ends up hurting others alot.

I am crude and direct but is it really that bad?

I have always believe that being direct, to the point and honest is good but i am beginning to see a different kind of reaction.

I have no idea why i am suddenly caring about this, since people that know me for quite some times will know i am a guy that don't care what other says about me.

I guess it is only when you are so direct that you hurt someone so badly that it is almost impossible to recover your friendship with that person that sets you thinking.

I realized that i don't have much friend while reading this post by may-ann on friends and acquaintance. I have alot of acquaintance and only truly a few I believe they are countable on just one hand. I also realized that I am always the GO-TO guy.. always the second, Never the first. It has been true for awhile now I will know a girl get to know her very well then for some reason set her up with another guy. HAH. usually with my crude/depreciating sense of humor. going through the latest of my past few relationship i realized i am like quite a failure. and that is not a word that i would normally associate with myself. *SIGH*

basically the reason for this post? well. recently i just screwed up pretty badly of this friendship that i care about by saying something that make sense but is very hurtful. and why am i blogging now?because while reading a facebook comment I realized i got so much i want to say but i was reminded of the fact that it is because of this kind of smart-Aleck comments that cause the friendship to be lost.

I so much want to talk to someone but i realized there is none. and it brings me to realization nothing has change i am still the same old isolated guy in isolation screaming out in this empty void of space called the internet to no one.

ah well. i am going to start learning how to keep my comments to myself.
I am now hating myself for being so smart.? always 1 step ahead of things always guessing other people secrets knowing exactly how things are going to pen out just by thinking through the scenario. Is that why i am always second choice? never the boyfriend always the best friend? I now realized all my mocking of this friend of mine is having the last laugh now. "the ditsy head lady who doesn't think much is enjoying her life now while the guy that laughs at her for being stupid and no planning is now well..in isolation?"


coming to here i need to apologize to this friend of mine that recently broke up. I believe i could have done or said something but i didn't.

the next one will go out to the friend that prompts this post. sorry.


this incident really sets me thinking.

what can i say. If only i can turn back time?

doubtful anyone is going to read this anyway. :)